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| well as usual, its been a long time since i've updated. havent really thought about it tho, i read my subscriptions but i don't ever consider updating. A lot has gone on since dec. where to start?
lets see, my car broke down...my sisters fault cause she's an idiot and kept driving from arlington to plano when the check engine light came on, of course i was the one that got yelled at cause i wasnt sposed to be in dallas so i had to tell my parents it happened while i was driving it. turns out the damn thing needs a new engine cause she cooked it by driving without any coolant....some people aren't too smart sometimes. so now i have no transportation and have to walk everywhere. it sucks, should be good exercize tho...
Rafik has moved in, it was supposed to be for a month cause he didnt have anywhere to stay and im too nice of a person for my own good, long as he pays half the rent and doesn't get in my way it seems to go well, sorta...he still pisses me off. i found out a week after he moved in that his whole reason for asking me was that he was holding on to some false hope of us getting back together...not guna happen, i just don't feel that way about him anymore, he doesn't understand that but i'm sure he will. of course he overanalyzes and asks me why i don't feel that way...what am i sposed to say to that? i just don't...its not something i can explain, we broke up, i got over it, i moved on. he needs to do the same.
what else? i have taken the semester off school. i have officially withdrawn from baylor and requested a refund of my bearbucks. school just wasnt going well and it wasnt going to get better. my parents decided to cut me off because of it but whatever, well it was more like my step-dad but it doesnt matter. i got a temp job at baylor bookstore for the rush. that started well but earlier this week shit got fucked up with my green card. they told me i couldnt work cause my actual card had expired even tho i had a letter that is just as good as an actual card but they were insisting i had an actual valid card, something that would take months to get, whatever, i called my parents on my break and told them, of course they were pissed cause it turns out that telling me i couldnt work because of a green card is illegal because i have a valid drivers license and social security card and thats all i needed to provide. My parents got a name and number of the person who was saying that and called them. Jerry "politely" threatened to take them to the equal opportunity employment commission for discrimination by nationality...whatever he said it worked, next thing i know is mom is calling me and telling me to go back to work...whatever. Apparently they feel bad or something now cause they asked me to work next week instead of my temp employment ending this week it ends next week. and thats ok cause they don't pay enough and i already have another job to start next friday that pays more and is right next to the bookstore so its not too far for me to walk so yay.
Edit: Ok, so i met this really great guy, well, i didnt just meet him, i've known him for years but i just recently started seeing him as more than a friend. so far things seem to be going well. he made me wait 3 weeks before he chose me over this other girl that reminds him of me but lives closer to him. that wasnt fun, durin those weeks it felt like nothing i did was ever good enough and it felt like he got mad at me alot but things are alot better now, he finally realized that it was me he wanted, (damn right! considering he's been crushing on me for a while now) maybe he just wanted me to prove my feelings for him or something, i don't know. This guy has been my best friend for a very long time and it kinda bugged me that he didnt believe how i felt, it's almost as if he is having a harder time trusting me since i said i liked him...don't see how that would work but ok. He's a really great guy and i know he's going to treat me right, unlike other guys i've dated. he does have a tendancy to make jokes about things i do wrong sometimes but i think i can deal with that, altho sometimes it makes me feel bad, its not really fair that i feel bad enough already when i screw up but he has to keep bringing it up again...we'll see how it goes. One thing that does bother me more than other things is that its always me calling him, even when he says he'll call me back he will just wait until i call him, its unsettling...i feel that if he really likes me as much as he says he does then he would call me and want to talk to me. its not like he doesnt enjoy talking to me, we always talk for hours on the phone so i don't know. maybe i'll do that common test girls do and not call him for a couple days and see if he calls me. He's turning me into a bigger football fan than i was, even tho his team is the redskins who are the rival and arch-enemy of the cowboys so its an interesting game when we both watch a redskins vs. cowboys game...its fun tho. I can see this working out long term, i just hope i don't screw up like usual, but i think its a fear of messing up that kinda makes it inevitable so i'll just take each day as it comes...
(Sorry about the long post) Until next time...
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| This song describes me perfectly...pay attention to the bold items
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
And no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside your bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life | | |
| fri 1045pm
my baby ran away 
Sat 630pm
baby came home!!!! yay! 
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| wow, its been a while since i updated this thing, i been planning on it
for a while, just never got round to it, and i been feeling lazy.
So, whats been going on with me? not much really. havent been to class
in forever but i managed to get my ass in gear a little and at least go
even if i dont study or pay attention, i've taken step one. its really
bugging me how i cant seem to get in gear, i know that sch is important
and no matter how much people tell me to go to class i just cant seem
to make myself. its getting me down. instead of going to class i've
been spending alot of time in arlington with my friend, my sis and my
bf. its bad, i'm putting a shit load of miles on the car, spending
money i dont have on gas to get there and back and i know i shouldnt
be. I've already had to drop 2 classes cause i've missed too many
and i may have to drop another. i cant have another F on my transcript.
i dont have any money and im runnin out of faith in myself. i
just dont know what to do. i talked to my mom about maybe taking a year
off next semester to see if that will help me jump start myself. the
way is see it is maybe if i see how hard it is to get by without a
degree it will give me the motivation i need. she said that if thats
what i want to do then its a good idea. but thats next semester, i dont
know what to do about this semester. i've used all my absenses in all
my classes, i've missed the first test for every class and im way way
behind. i dont know whether to drop out now or just try and get passing
grades. i just dont know, and the longer i'm unsure the worse its guna
get.
on the plus side i have a cat 
 
He's so cute...i couldnt think of a name so he's called Honey right
now. he loves to play and cuddle, i love him, he's just what i
needed. About a week before i got him i rescued some puppies from
cameron park and i brought them home for the night cause i was guna
take them to the animal shelter but it was closed and i had to let them
go cause they were barking and my apartments have a no pet policy. i
managed to get a few pics tho:
Anyway, enough for now...im tired and i cant figure out the mess in my head to get it down on paper so more later.
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